Yumiko Lee asked:
Singaporean-Japanese Marriage
I met my husband Eric Lee, Singaporean, at a church in Tokyo when I moved from Fukuoka in mid 1981. Since then, Eric has been my best friend, true soul mate. I became a Christian in August 1981 and was the first one to become a Christian in my whole family tree. Not long after that, I decided to marry Eric.
I decided to release the news of those two most important decisions of my life at the same time to my mother who was in Fukuoka, Japan. During then and even now, the Christian population in Japan has been smaller than 0.5%. As the majority of the Japanese Christians are ladies, often times it is said that a girl is doomed to be a spinster once she becomes a Christian. So I figured out that if I told my mother that I had already found a husband to be, it would soften her shock over my becoming a Christian. Alas, I underestimated the gravity of these two news! In hearing my news, my mother had a “double punch shock” which caused her to be bedridden for 10 days, and had a 10 cm sized-bald patch at the top of her head. Who could imagine then that 5 years later, she herself became a Christian?
Any Question? Girls And Boys
It has been more than 25 years since I first stepped into Singapore to prepare for my international marriage. I thought it useful to share my experiences for the interest of anyone, especially the girls, who find it relevant – not only to those who are preparing to marry overseas but also for those who are contemplating of staying long term and settle down overseas. Do write to me if you wish to clarify more. I also look forward to communicate with young Japanese girls (and boys) who wants to become a Christian.
Read more about Yumiko’s Cultural Shock. Yumiko also provides information and news on Living In Singapore and Singapore Travel
Singaporean-Japanese Marriage
I met my husband Eric Lee, Singaporean, at a church in Tokyo when I moved from Fukuoka in mid 1981. Since then, Eric has been my best friend, true soul mate. I became a Christian in August 1981 and was the first one to become a Christian in my whole family tree. Not long after that, I decided to marry Eric.
I decided to release the news of those two most important decisions of my life at the same time to my mother who was in Fukuoka, Japan. During then and even now, the Christian population in Japan has been smaller than 0.5%. As the majority of the Japanese Christians are ladies, often times it is said that a girl is doomed to be a spinster once she becomes a Christian. So I figured out that if I told my mother that I had already found a husband to be, it would soften her shock over my becoming a Christian. Alas, I underestimated the gravity of these two news! In hearing my news, my mother had a “double punch shock” which caused her to be bedridden for 10 days, and had a 10 cm sized-bald patch at the top of her head. Who could imagine then that 5 years later, she herself became a Christian?
Any Question? Girls And Boys
It has been more than 25 years since I first stepped into Singapore to prepare for my international marriage. I thought it useful to share my experiences for the interest of anyone, especially the girls, who find it relevant – not only to those who are preparing to marry overseas but also for those who are contemplating of staying long term and settle down overseas. Do write to me if you wish to clarify more. I also look forward to communicate with young Japanese girls (and boys) who wants to become a Christian.
Read more about Yumiko’s Cultural Shock. Yumiko also provides information and news on Living In Singapore and Singapore Travel
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Tags: Important Decisions, International Marriage, Young Japanese Girls
Kausik Dutta asked:
This is a loaded title, with good reason. Marriage itself is loaded; there are so many factors and elements that feed into a marriage that breaking it down seems impossible at times. One of the biggest questions people have is “why has my partner changed so much from the person they were when I married them?” This is a complex question, and the answer isn’t simple, but we’re going to try and examine it in brief.
Of course the most obvious answer is that people are constantly changing and growing, but it goes deeper than that. When you first meet a person you are attracted to their outside self and personality; however, this can often be completely different, or at least removed, from whom they are internally.
Marriage generally constitutes many, many years together; as a consequence, all facades, all barriers fall away, leaving a person’s true self exposed. And often, a person’s true self takes their partners by surprise; it is not what they have come to expect. This feeling of foreignness can lead to the dissolution of a marriage or its reinvigoration.
In an era of marriages that occur in as little as days, it’s no wonder this question is asked so often and so frequently. Contrast a couple who has been engaged several months and one who has been engaged several years; which one is likely to last longest? Probably the ones who waited, as they will have had time to see each enough of each others true selves, sans façade, to determine if they can really pull through together.
This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons couples seek help from people like marriage counselors and therapists. Coming to grasps with the way a person is rather than whom you wanted them to be is often difficult, but can be equally rewarding when all is said and done. While you don’t’ necessarily need a therapist for this, they can greatly aid you, or you and your spouse, in figuring out how to deal with these new revelations.
Positive or negative, learning who your partner really is can be part of the fun of being married, and it is always an exploration. Consider taking your time and getting to know the person you’re with before you get married; if you’re already in a similar situation to the one above, a marriage counselor or relationship therapist can really help.
Marriagemax.com is an alternative marriage advice website created and run by relationship expert Mort Fertel since 2004. It covers a broad range of marriage topics and offers advice and ideas for helping out your marriage.
For more information about any of the programs or to contact Mort Fertel, please go to http://www.marriagemax.com or call 410.764.1552.
This is a loaded title, with good reason. Marriage itself is loaded; there are so many factors and elements that feed into a marriage that breaking it down seems impossible at times. One of the biggest questions people have is “why has my partner changed so much from the person they were when I married them?” This is a complex question, and the answer isn’t simple, but we’re going to try and examine it in brief.
Of course the most obvious answer is that people are constantly changing and growing, but it goes deeper than that. When you first meet a person you are attracted to their outside self and personality; however, this can often be completely different, or at least removed, from whom they are internally.
Marriage generally constitutes many, many years together; as a consequence, all facades, all barriers fall away, leaving a person’s true self exposed. And often, a person’s true self takes their partners by surprise; it is not what they have come to expect. This feeling of foreignness can lead to the dissolution of a marriage or its reinvigoration.
In an era of marriages that occur in as little as days, it’s no wonder this question is asked so often and so frequently. Contrast a couple who has been engaged several months and one who has been engaged several years; which one is likely to last longest? Probably the ones who waited, as they will have had time to see each enough of each others true selves, sans façade, to determine if they can really pull through together.
This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons couples seek help from people like marriage counselors and therapists. Coming to grasps with the way a person is rather than whom you wanted them to be is often difficult, but can be equally rewarding when all is said and done. While you don’t’ necessarily need a therapist for this, they can greatly aid you, or you and your spouse, in figuring out how to deal with these new revelations.
Positive or negative, learning who your partner really is can be part of the fun of being married, and it is always an exploration. Consider taking your time and getting to know the person you’re with before you get married; if you’re already in a similar situation to the one above, a marriage counselor or relationship therapist can really help.
Marriagemax.com is an alternative marriage advice website created and run by relationship expert Mort Fertel since 2004. It covers a broad range of marriage topics and offers advice and ideas for helping out your marriage.
For more information about any of the programs or to contact Mort Fertel, please go to http://www.marriagemax.com or call 410.764.1552.
Yumiko Lee asked:
Cultural shocks continued for many years when living in Singapore. A plate of chicken rice is served with so much rice, so much meat but very little vegetables – only a few thin slices of cucumber and tomato. In Japan, maybe the proportion of meat versus vegetable is reversed.
Sales And Services Quality
At department store sales girls stood behind counter, bear-footed with no shoes. I had only a traveler’s check and when they took it for verification, it took them a long time to come back. As I was trying to take out T shirts from the rack, the sales girl immediately tried to put it back. As I touched the clothes on the hangers, the same thing happened. To me, this action was saying “I don’t want you to mess up my work. Don’t touch anything!” Often they were also not familiar with the products they were selling. No advise, no help for customers. Just an unfriendly glare, especially when I decided on no-buying. Having used to Japan’s customer service, I was often put off by Singaporean’s sales personnel’s manners and unprofessional behaviour.
Singlish
Moving around with public transport was equally challenging. Asking a bus driver for direction and I thought he spoke in English but I could not understand. This inability of understanding English later on occurred even at NUS tutorial times with my students. I could not understand their English, neither did they with my English. I always thought my English is good as I am in the profession of simultaneous interpretation. I then learned there was Singlish and vowed secretly to myself that I would never let myself be corroded by it. However after 25 years, now I speak it beautifully! Whenever Singaporeans say to me, “Your English is very good!”, I don’t know if I should take it as a compliment or not. My son spent 6 years in American School and he switches back and forth between American accentuated English and Singlish depending on who he talks to on the phone.
Yumiko Lee is founder of Japan hiWays. Born in Fukuoka, Japan, Yumiko married Eric Lee in 1984 and has since been staying in Singapore teaching Japanese with regular Japan Immersion Program for students and working adults. She provides information and news on Living in Japan, Japan Travel and Japanese Brands.
Cultural shocks continued for many years when living in Singapore. A plate of chicken rice is served with so much rice, so much meat but very little vegetables – only a few thin slices of cucumber and tomato. In Japan, maybe the proportion of meat versus vegetable is reversed.
Sales And Services Quality
At department store sales girls stood behind counter, bear-footed with no shoes. I had only a traveler’s check and when they took it for verification, it took them a long time to come back. As I was trying to take out T shirts from the rack, the sales girl immediately tried to put it back. As I touched the clothes on the hangers, the same thing happened. To me, this action was saying “I don’t want you to mess up my work. Don’t touch anything!” Often they were also not familiar with the products they were selling. No advise, no help for customers. Just an unfriendly glare, especially when I decided on no-buying. Having used to Japan’s customer service, I was often put off by Singaporean’s sales personnel’s manners and unprofessional behaviour.
Singlish
Moving around with public transport was equally challenging. Asking a bus driver for direction and I thought he spoke in English but I could not understand. This inability of understanding English later on occurred even at NUS tutorial times with my students. I could not understand their English, neither did they with my English. I always thought my English is good as I am in the profession of simultaneous interpretation. I then learned there was Singlish and vowed secretly to myself that I would never let myself be corroded by it. However after 25 years, now I speak it beautifully! Whenever Singaporeans say to me, “Your English is very good!”, I don’t know if I should take it as a compliment or not. My son spent 6 years in American School and he switches back and forth between American accentuated English and Singlish depending on who he talks to on the phone.
Yumiko Lee is founder of Japan hiWays. Born in Fukuoka, Japan, Yumiko married Eric Lee in 1984 and has since been staying in Singapore teaching Japanese with regular Japan Immersion Program for students and working adults. She provides information and news on Living in Japan, Japan Travel and Japanese Brands.
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Tags: Glare, Shocks, Vegetables
Mr Online Dating asked:
Dr’s and psychologists have researched grief and its cycle over time in relation to death and loss. A divorce, especially if you have been married for a long time is no different in that you need time to grieve your loss. In addition, Divorce often brings with it a sense of failure and conflicting emotions of love and perhaps hate. There are five stages to the recovery process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
During the denial phase, people often convince themselves that it is not really over, that miraculously everything will work out. Another form of denial is denying that you feel any grief. If early on in the divorce, you find yourself saying to people that you are over it then you may be setting yourself up for depression.
Next comes the anger – there may be other factors helping to fuel this. Infidelity, abandonment, being left with the responsibilty of perhaps the home, the children or feeling like you have been cut out of your families lives all help fuel anger.
When the anger starts to fade, often people find themselves bargaining with their ex, as if by settling something the pain will go away.
Depression, more than often still tinged with anger is a feeling of deep sadness. At this stage the severly affected often seek help before settling into the acceptance stage. At this time, it is time to pick up the pieces and rebuild your new life.
There are often times when the cycles intermingle and overlap or even seem absent. It is unusual though for any one phase to be missed completely. There are some things though that can help on that road to recovery and help you to get back “on the scene”.
Take Control
The first thing to do is try to take control of your life, of your finances and to see yourself as an independent being. There is little point in moping around feeling sorry for yourself or going out and drinking every night. It is time to stand up and start living the life you want to continue living.
Do things to make you happy – instead of feeling sorry for yourself and coming home every night to a microwave dinner. Start to do things to make yourself happy. Go for walks, buy yourself treats, start online dating and chatting to other people who are single, just like you. Groups online often can help you to meet other singles with similar interests without it becoming so much like a “date”.
Learn who you are and to be yourself – Often during a marriage, you mould yourself and your partner into someone who makes the other happy or at least that they can live with. Its time to let this go and start to think about what you like, what are your preferences and what you like to do. You may be surprised with the person you find inside yourself! Then you can go out or get online and meet others with the same take on life as you – before you know it you will be happier than you were before. All it takes is for you to make it happen.
Let the past go – Dont dwell on the past, what went wrong and what went right. That is what it is – the past. Try to look back on the good times with fondness and forget the bad ever happened. You may think that is impossible but with effort you will find that it isnt and you can start enjoying your life.
Be an initiator – don’t wait for others to invite you along for the ride – dive in and make things happen. join social groups, setup your own online groups and invite people to join in the fun.
Dont become a stalker – many people feel that when they get divorced, they still have the right to contact their partner every day and to know what and when they are doing things. This is not acceptable. What your ex does and who they see is no longer your concern. Accept it and move on. If you continue to contact your partner and to try to discuss what has happened continually, even if they ask you not to then you are stalking them. This is not allowed by law and is not a good place for you to be at emotionally. Try to meet new friends, online dating allows you to contact like minded folk day or night and so may be the answer for those sleepless nights.
Dont talk about it too much – When you start meeting friends online, you may go through a phase of talking about your ex, your divorce and your feelings. This is fine and online dating and chat rooms allow you to do this – this could be better than paying a therapist! Long term though your aim has to be to move forward. When this time comes then try to avoid talking about your past and talk just about the now. Noone wants to listen to someone going on and on about a significant other.
Let yourself grieve – there is a time for the grieving and it is important that you allow this healing process to take place. Just don’t let it take over.
Trust and don’t let your new friends pay for the sins of your ex – Now you are back in the land of the living and hopefully online dating lots of local singles, remember not to let this past divorce spoil things for you in your future. For instance if your ex cheated, there is nothing to say that your new friends will do similarly. Trust, be open and honest and things can only get better!
Free Singles Dating Service Online Dating Services Internet Dating Site & Chat Rooms
Dr’s and psychologists have researched grief and its cycle over time in relation to death and loss. A divorce, especially if you have been married for a long time is no different in that you need time to grieve your loss. In addition, Divorce often brings with it a sense of failure and conflicting emotions of love and perhaps hate. There are five stages to the recovery process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
During the denial phase, people often convince themselves that it is not really over, that miraculously everything will work out. Another form of denial is denying that you feel any grief. If early on in the divorce, you find yourself saying to people that you are over it then you may be setting yourself up for depression.
Next comes the anger – there may be other factors helping to fuel this. Infidelity, abandonment, being left with the responsibilty of perhaps the home, the children or feeling like you have been cut out of your families lives all help fuel anger.
When the anger starts to fade, often people find themselves bargaining with their ex, as if by settling something the pain will go away.
Depression, more than often still tinged with anger is a feeling of deep sadness. At this stage the severly affected often seek help before settling into the acceptance stage. At this time, it is time to pick up the pieces and rebuild your new life.
There are often times when the cycles intermingle and overlap or even seem absent. It is unusual though for any one phase to be missed completely. There are some things though that can help on that road to recovery and help you to get back “on the scene”.
Take Control
The first thing to do is try to take control of your life, of your finances and to see yourself as an independent being. There is little point in moping around feeling sorry for yourself or going out and drinking every night. It is time to stand up and start living the life you want to continue living.
Do things to make you happy – instead of feeling sorry for yourself and coming home every night to a microwave dinner. Start to do things to make yourself happy. Go for walks, buy yourself treats, start online dating and chatting to other people who are single, just like you. Groups online often can help you to meet other singles with similar interests without it becoming so much like a “date”.
Learn who you are and to be yourself – Often during a marriage, you mould yourself and your partner into someone who makes the other happy or at least that they can live with. Its time to let this go and start to think about what you like, what are your preferences and what you like to do. You may be surprised with the person you find inside yourself! Then you can go out or get online and meet others with the same take on life as you – before you know it you will be happier than you were before. All it takes is for you to make it happen.
Let the past go – Dont dwell on the past, what went wrong and what went right. That is what it is – the past. Try to look back on the good times with fondness and forget the bad ever happened. You may think that is impossible but with effort you will find that it isnt and you can start enjoying your life.
Be an initiator – don’t wait for others to invite you along for the ride – dive in and make things happen. join social groups, setup your own online groups and invite people to join in the fun.
Dont become a stalker – many people feel that when they get divorced, they still have the right to contact their partner every day and to know what and when they are doing things. This is not acceptable. What your ex does and who they see is no longer your concern. Accept it and move on. If you continue to contact your partner and to try to discuss what has happened continually, even if they ask you not to then you are stalking them. This is not allowed by law and is not a good place for you to be at emotionally. Try to meet new friends, online dating allows you to contact like minded folk day or night and so may be the answer for those sleepless nights.
Dont talk about it too much – When you start meeting friends online, you may go through a phase of talking about your ex, your divorce and your feelings. This is fine and online dating and chat rooms allow you to do this – this could be better than paying a therapist! Long term though your aim has to be to move forward. When this time comes then try to avoid talking about your past and talk just about the now. Noone wants to listen to someone going on and on about a significant other.
Let yourself grieve – there is a time for the grieving and it is important that you allow this healing process to take place. Just don’t let it take over.
Trust and don’t let your new friends pay for the sins of your ex – Now you are back in the land of the living and hopefully online dating lots of local singles, remember not to let this past divorce spoil things for you in your future. For instance if your ex cheated, there is nothing to say that your new friends will do similarly. Trust, be open and honest and things can only get better!
Free Singles Dating Service Online Dating Services Internet Dating Site & Chat Rooms
The Intern asked:
It is funny seeing all the things a notary can do with their commission. Did you know that notaries can perform wedding ceremonies and solemnize marriage? Notaries in the states of Florida, Maine, and South Carolina have the authority to perform marriages. Though it is only performed in these 3 states there are some interesting aspects to notarizing a marriage and solemnizing the rites of matrimony. The fee of a notary public may not surpass that provided by law to clerks of the circuit court for the same thing. This does not apply to the fees set for affirmations or witnessing.
If you are from one of these 3 states and interested in this concept, wondering where to get started, you can purchase marriage packages online at the Non-profit National Notary Association (NNA) website nationalnotary.org. There are many places on the web to find marriage certificates, and special embossers. Knowing the importance of couples wedding vows and ceremonies, it is important to be professional and make sure you have all of the things you need according to state laws and according to couples preferences.
A reason notaries work as good officiates to momentous occasions such as marriage, is for people who want a non-religious ceremony. Another choice to consider is the price a notary will cost you compare to other facilities and or representatives. A notary cannot charge more than the original fee set by the state of Florida, Maine, or South Carolina. While researching this topic I went online and found that there are many notaries that advertise this service in those 3 states.
It is funny seeing all the things a notary can do with their commission. Did you know that notaries can perform wedding ceremonies and solemnize marriage? Notaries in the states of Florida, Maine, and South Carolina have the authority to perform marriages. Though it is only performed in these 3 states there are some interesting aspects to notarizing a marriage and solemnizing the rites of matrimony. The fee of a notary public may not surpass that provided by law to clerks of the circuit court for the same thing. This does not apply to the fees set for affirmations or witnessing.
If you are from one of these 3 states and interested in this concept, wondering where to get started, you can purchase marriage packages online at the Non-profit National Notary Association (NNA) website nationalnotary.org. There are many places on the web to find marriage certificates, and special embossers. Knowing the importance of couples wedding vows and ceremonies, it is important to be professional and make sure you have all of the things you need according to state laws and according to couples preferences.
A reason notaries work as good officiates to momentous occasions such as marriage, is for people who want a non-religious ceremony. Another choice to consider is the price a notary will cost you compare to other facilities and or representatives. A notary cannot charge more than the original fee set by the state of Florida, Maine, or South Carolina. While researching this topic I went online and found that there are many notaries that advertise this service in those 3 states.
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Tags: Clerks, Nationalnotary, State Laws