Jonathan Huie asked:


They left. You’re lonely, and they look pretty good right now. Should you even attempt to rekindle the romance? What are the best and worst ways to rebuild your connection?

First, be very sure that your own emotional state is stable enough to share your life with someone else – either your Ex or another partner.

Second, confirm to yourself that you understand what went wrong before, and that you are committed to making real changes in your personal behavior.

Finally, if you feel ready to try to restart your relationship, let’s look at what works and what doesn’t.

The Worst:

1. Beg: It won’t work, and you lose your self-respect in the process.

2. Manipulate, Pretend, Fake: If you do succeed in your deception, you have then created a much bigger mess – an expectation on the part of your Ex that you will continue to behave as you pretend you will. False promises may get his or her attention, but they will backfire as soon as you become unable or unwilling to continue them and lapse back into your natural behaviors. If your Ex doesn’t enjoy being around the real you, accept that conclusion, and move on to someone who will love you the way you really are.

3. Tease, Flirt, Seduce: These are also temporary come-on’s that will backfire as soon as you revert to being yourself.

4. Bribe: Do you really want to buy a relationship? Besides, it won’t work for long

5. Promise You’ll Change: If the promise is fake, see #2. If the promise is sincere, know that you will be unable to maintain any resolution for change that you take-on to please someone else. Real change to your core habits and behaviors can only come when you want the change for yourself. For example, you can’t succeed in ending a smoking habit to please someone else. You can only end a habit if you do it for yourself.

The Best:

1. Be Honest: There is great power in the truth. People respond favorably to honesty. Moreover, you no longer have to try to remember which lie you told last. Of all people in the world, your Ex probably knows you best. He or she can recognize even the smallest lie. Be completely truthful.

2. Be Open, Communicate, Tell All: Tell not only the truth, but the whole truth.

3. Forgive (silently): A resentful person is an ugly person who is no fun to be around. Choose to give up all your resentments toward your Ex. Forgive him or her completely. Do NOT say to them, “I forgive you.” That would only cause an argument and resentment on their part. Take the time to be quietly by yourself – relax – forgive your Ex silently and completely for everything that they ever did or failed to do that angered or upset you.

4. Be Thankful: Write a list of everything that you appreciate about your Ex. Contemplate the list and internalize all the good qualities that you love. Then meet with your Ex and tell them what you appreciate about them. Be sincere – no faking or flattery.

5. Be Sincerely Cheerful and Kind: Be the kind of person you would want to be around. Grumpy and self-centered people don’t win friends, new lovers, or get their Ex back.

I wish you best fortune in your sincere loving journey toward rebuilding your relationship.

If you are unsure whether you are ready to reconnect with your Ex, ask yourself these 10 Questions.